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An open letter to the man that I loved

It’s been a week since we broke up. Since you left me. Did you know how hard for me to move on from the love that I thought of forever? I know you will never come back but inside me hoping that you will realise the decisions that you made. For so many times, I really want you back.

 

I wanted you to know that I still love you. No. MAHAL NA MAHAL KITA. Even if it hurts that you leave me behind.

 

I fell in love with your soul

I fell in love how you love the creator above

I fell in love how you dream about your goals and plans in life

And I fell in love how you dreamed about us.

 

I’m still trap from the love that we made

I’m still dreaming with the memories that we create

And I’m still searching on how to ease the pain.

 

Reminiscing the first time that we met. It didn’t take a month when you’re courting me because for me that time you are the one. Didn’t expect to fall in love so easily because I prayed to god to have someone like you. It feels like we know each other for a long time because we shared stories. Until I decided to accept your love in my life without fear that I might get hurt.

I thanked god that time because my family witnessed the loved that we started. It was my first time to be open to a relationship where my family knows everything about it. Those dates and places,  my heart was full of love and happiness. I trusted you even we both have trust issues but trusting you made me complete.

Seeing you working hard to achieve your goals makes me so proud of you. To learn something new from you makes me fall in love more with you.

 

I’m sorry.

 

I’m sorry if you can’t understand me

I’m sorry if I hurt you

I’m sorry if you feel like I don’t care about you even I always think of you

I’m sorry if you see that I am not doing anything for us while I’m doing my best to be the best not just for you but for the future us.

 

I always think about you

I always think about us

I’m always praying for you

And everyday I talk to god about you

 

I know what you’ve been through and I really wanted to help you. I just want you to feel that I am here, but you made me feel that I am not. My heart, I still want to save us, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I might get rejections from you because I still want to offer my love for you. Like what you said before “I wish love can conquer it all”.  And for so many nights I cried why you left me with those reasons, I’m still wondering with whys.

 

Why can’t you take a risk for this kind of love?

Why is it easy for you to give up?

Why are you afraid to love?

 

Am I not enough?

Am I not worth to wait?

Am I not worth to risk?

Am I not worth to love?

 

While I love all of you.

 

Love,

I want to know if you still love me.

And I want you to know that I am still here for you.

I love you,

Because you gave me forever within the numbered days.

 

-N.A

 

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